The van doors opened and almost immediately I reached for the baby boy and he smiled and settled into my arms. First impressions--he was wearing clothes that were obviously too small, and he was quite a goofy looking little guy. I had never seen a baby with ONLY canines for teeth. I carried the cute baby vampire while Kyle led the way inside and down the stairs to where all the toys were. The 6 year old, named Penny, had a big blond ratted pony tail on top of her head and she was beautiful. She was shy and unsure of what was happening, but I had also caught a glimpse of her smile and it was love at first sight for me. I knew she was beautiful inside and out. Her baby sister, Millie, clung to her at every chance she got, obviously in distress and she dried her tears and comforted her like any mother would. I kept my distance and let Penny be the mom for the little bit while the caseworker went over the home to home binders, which included a whole lot of nothing. Within minutes of their arrival I was changing baby Max's diaper, (which included another surprise) and Kyle was learning that Millie was deathly afraid of him. I could tell he saw it as a challenge and was already slowing trying to gain her trust. Before I knew it the social workers were standing to leave and just like that we had 3 new children. Strangers forced to be family.
My kids came home and after a few shy introductions we all went outside to play. Within minutes the older kids were jumping on the trampoline with Penny. She was everyone's favorite instantly. We even had fights over her those first few days. Some were jealous they didn't get a foster brother or sister their age. But all in all, the kids seemed to do okay with each other and playmates were made.
I don't have pictures of the first day. I only have one picture of the 2nd day. I had absolutely no time to think about pictures. The first meal we had together was pure pandemonium. The baby cried or screamed the entire time. I never sat down. There were so many tears and runny noses to wipe and diapers to change, and kids to keep track of. And I also had a 6 month old basketball attached to my belly. By the last diaper change of the evening I was struggling not to cry. We had only been at it for a few hours and I was already starting to fall apart. I couldn't imagine doing this for 6 months, day after day. 6 months was the minimum amount of time their mom had to get cleaned up. Kyle assured me we could and we would. The first night I spent extra time with my two new daughters. I read to them. I sang them our traditional "good day" song. I hugged and tucked and loved those stranger daughters as naturally as I could.
We learned the first night that baby Max did not sleep through the night. He wanted to drink a bottle all night long. He used the bottle as a pacifier and when it was empty he would cry. I let him do his regular routine the first night, but I knew if we were going to survive, we had to teach him how to sleep through the night, without the bottle pacifier. The 2nd night was equally as long as I rocked him back to sleep every time he cried out for his bottle. The days were long and the nights were longer and I could't imagine it ever getting any easier. But one day, 48 hours after first meeting, Millie was letting Kyle push her in a swing and she wasn't crying. And a few days later, Max slept through the night without his bottle. Somethings were getting better. And I had hope that things would keep getting better. However, I didn't anticipate the roller coaster of emotions that would accompany the milestones. Falling in love with these children was inevitable, and saying goodbye was inevitable too.
Only picture from 2nd day of placement, May 4th
Nicole went out and bought supplies for me the first night. The kids came with basically nothing.
May 11, 2013
(May 10 was me and Kyle's 11 year anniversary)
Penny age 6, Mia almost 2, Easton 9 months
tender mercy foot note:
Summer/fall 2012. I wanted to have another baby, but for the first time it had been difficult and had resulted in a miscarriage, and blood work. I hesitate writing the details, because I don't want them to come out wrong, but I'm writing this as a journal--so I'm going to ignore you (readers). I was ignoring promptings, and asking for blessings at the same time. I really wanted to be pregnant. But I kept having a little voice/thought come to me that said--"foster care, then baby" I thought this was a funny little thought to keep popping into my head. But I began to feel stronger feelings that moving forward with foster care was the right decision, and that blessings would come. After all our paperwork, doctor appointments and home inspections were complete we started our first class. I found out I was pregnant around class one or two. I felt my first morning sickness symptoms during my last class of certification. What a tender mercy it was to not be sick the entire time I was going to those night classes (night time was always the worst for me). We think we know what is best for us--I wanted to be pregnant right NOW but my Heavenly Father really knew what was best...the perfect window for pregnancy and foster care classes was His plan all along. I'm glad I listened. Those first few months we were licensed I wondered why we were told to hurry...when we didn't get a placement immediately, obviously it didn't matter that we hurried! And then I remembered the morning sickness I didn't have during all those classes, and how nice it had been to enjoy my family during the best months of my pregnancy. And then I knew why I was told to hurry. And I was glad I listened.
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