As the day wore on, I felt less and less confident. I had already sent an email the week before to a foster care recruiter and hadn't heard back. Maybe that meant I wasn't needed right now. I had a degree in social work. I had always taken on social work projects in high school. I watched Wednesday's Child on the news all the time and would ask my mom if she would consider adopting someone who needed a family. Maybe I was putting my desire to help people over the welfare of my family. What if we got a child that ended up hurting my kids? I had heard so many horrible stories about abused kids abusing other children. How would I watch them all of the time to make sure something terrible didn't happen? What would my family say? What if I got too attached and then had to send them back to their family that really wasn't that great? So many thoughts and doubts flooded in.
That night we waited until the kids were in bed. I was nervous and didn't really know how to start the conversation. We had been married for 10 years and in those 10 years I had visited foster care or adoption sites dozens of times. I always knew that SOMEDAY I would want to foster or adopt, but the more time that passed and the more kids that joined our family, I felt less and less secure in this "plan" of mine.
Kyle's other name is "The Best listener Ever." So after I told him the novel running through my mind, and he had a moment to think about it, he asked why I thought now was the right time, especially since I had always thought about it over the years.
"Because this time the thought won't go away. It isn't a fleeting thought. I push it away, but it comes back, again and then again. So what I need you to do is go pray about this. Go pray about it, and get the NO answer. Because I can't do foster care right now. I don't want to. I'm too scared."
His answer? OK. He would pray about it...and we left it at that.
I don't know how much later, maybe a few days, Kyle told me he prayed about it. But that he didn't get the no answer. He got the exact opposite. Yes we would pursue foster care now---we would make some calls, research it and look into, and see where it led us.
Ok, so we were going to "look" into it. I could handle that. I knew we would eventually be foster parents, but taking these baby steps helped me cope with the idea of all the changes and challenges that were awaiting us. It helped that the response from my email still hadn't come. But only for about a week, but then the "not knowing" started driving me crazy!! I hate the phone. I didn't want to call anyone, but I picked up the phone and started to pace.
(any uncomfortable or emotional conversation on the phone causes me to pace).
A few days later we had the foster care recruiter sitting in our family room. I didn't even know they had such a person. He was so patient with all our questions. He was empathic to all our feelings and concerns. He was also a foster parent. He pulled out his family picture, as well as a picture of his family's vehicle. He had 17 children, 3 foster kids, and a bus. After he left Kyle and I looked at each other and laughed outloud. Who has 17 children and a bus? We made a pack right then and there that we would NEVER drive a bus...including a big huge van like the one I had grown up with. Which we knew also put a cap on the size of our family. We were ok with that.
We were told that we could choose the behaviors that we would consider in the children we took as placements. We checked 'ok' to bed wetting and 'no way' to animal cruelty. We had done a fair share of praying and had both had the impression that because we were taking this leap of faith, following this prompting, that our children would be protected. I also felt strongly that any placement we had would be unique to our family. If Heavenly Father wanted specific kids to come to our home, then they would. I felt an urgency to be licensed as quickly as possible. I felt almost as if someone was pleading with me to hurry up. The average time to get completely licensed from start to finish is 6 months. We did it in less than 3. By the end of December were were officially licensed foster parents. Our home was licensed for up to 2 children. We did it. And now it was time to wait. Oh how I hate waiting!!!
Our fist call was for 2 little boys. A 2 year old and a 5 month old. Besides the fact that we were headed out of town the next day, it didn't feel right. We said no.
The second call was for a 6 year old boy. We considered saying yes, but it still didn't feel right. We said no.
The third call came at the end of April. It was for 3 children. A 6 year old girl, an almost 2 year old girl, and a 9 month old boy. That was easy. We said no. We were only licensed for 2.
(More details later but--Despite what we did or said in the next week to try and stop it, those three children were placed in our home May 3, 2013. I was 6 months pregnant.)
This picture was taken the month before we became the party of 9.
The sign behind us says end school zone, but it should say "end life as you know it zone!"
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I still remember you sharing during one of my lessons in Relief Society about the promptings and what was going on through the process and about how you didn't know where it would lead but that you were supposed to be doing this. My hubbie and I have already talked a little about how if we can't have any of our own, I would want to explore fostering as our second option.
ReplyDeleteWow! So interesting to see your story unfold... can't wait to read more��
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