I wanted THEM (foster journey part 3)

Utah divides their foster care parents into regions.  I am in the Western region but it was the Eastern region calling--because they do not have enough foster homes in their area they have to ask other regions to take placements. Names, ages and gender.  A Thats pretty much all they could tell me.  And that the girls were absolutely beautiful.  The kids easily attached to people--craved love and attention.  Mom was a drug addict.  They did in-home services for 8 months before they found out she was lying about everything and so they had to remove the kids.  For the past week the 6 year old was in a shelter and the almost 2 year old girl and 9 month old boy were at another foster home that didn't have room for the 6 year old.  They wanted to move them as soon as possible so they could all be together.

It was an easy no.   “I can't take 3, I'm sorry.  I'm only licensed for 2."

She assured me it didn't matter because they were siblings, as long as I had room (I could put the baby in my room), I could take 3.  Pause....

"Does it matter that I'm 6 months pregnant?"

No it didn't matter.

Think Emily.  Think.  This is crazy.  You can't do 7...errr...8 kids in a few months.  Your oldest is 9.

Immediately I thought of the Hansens.  They were a couple we met in our foster care licensing classes.  They had 2 children but because of health concerns, had not been able to have more.  They were looking to grow their family.  I was currently growing our family.  They would be perfect.  This placement must be for them.  This was the answer, I was sure of it.

I told the caseworker I needed to think about it, call my husband.  They understood but said they didn't want to wait too much longer.  Kyle agreed.  3 was too many and the Hansens would be perfect.  I called the caseworker back and gave them the Hansens number and told them my thoughts. They agreed to call to call them.  I texted the Hansens to give them the heads up.  They were nervous and excited.  I was relieved.

Over the next few days there were phone calls back and forth, and obstacle after obstacle for the Hansens.  Their room wasn’t big enough for two children.  They could get a variance for that.  Their resource family consultant was out of town and the supervisor said she couldn’t allow a placement in a home that hadn’t been visited by their RFC yet. We thought since it seemed the obvious answer, the right answer, these obstacles would be overcome, but it didn’t happen that way.  DCFS had now asked us twice if we would take the kids, and twice we had answered with a possible solution instead of a no or yes. It was Sunday night, and we knew they would call in the morning and it would be the last time they would ask.

That night I thought of every possible reason why we should say no.  But in the end, none of those reasons mattered. In the early morning hours I found my answer that prevailed over all common sense.   I was overcome with emotion when I finally had the answer I knew Heavenly Father wanted me to have.  The right answer.  We would take the sibling group of 3.  Because I wanted them.  I wanted these specific kids that I had been thinking and praying about for the last few days.  My thoughts had been consumed with them.  All I knew were their names and ages but I wondered if they were the kids I was missing in the back of my car.  I worried that they were scared and confused.  I wondered what kind of abuse or neglect they had experienced   I wanted to hold them and kiss them and protect them.  I WANTED them. And I knew they were meant to be with us—whether it would be temporary or permanent I didn’t know.

That morning, before the kids woke up, Kyle and I discussed what this would mean for our family.  We talked about how hard it would be.  Probably the hardest thing we had ever done.  Kyle had agreed we should say yes.  He hadn’t had a strong impression or such a personal experience as I had, but he had definately thought about it. 

“We tried our best to say no," he said.  "It didn’t work.  We have said no to placements before, and they never called us back.  They keep coming back for a reason.  Maybe these kids are the reason why we were told to do foster care.”

I actually don’t remember if I waited for them to call, or if I was too anxious and excited to wait.  But either way, there was a phone call and it was decided that they would come.  Yes we would take the sibling group of 3.  

Sometime shortly after we broke the news to the kids (who were jumping up and down with excitement, quite literally). I was scrolling through my pictures on my camera.  When I came to a picture I had taken just days before that first phone call from DCFS.  It was a photo of a nest with eggs.  A mother bird had unfortunately made a nest in our BBQ.  There were three eggs.  I couldn’t help but see the symbolism in this picture.  We would be adding 3 new eggs to our nest soon, and I thought Heavenly Father was quite clever for his little coincidence.  

(Interesting bit of info--our RFC had never visited our home either, and although it is a rule that the RFC's like to follow, it isn't the norm.  The caseloads are too big and placements are made many times, before a RFC has a chance to visit a foster home.  And in some cases, foster parents rarely, if ever, meet with their RFC. They are supposed to be a source of support for foster families, but in reality, the main support comes from other foster parents.)